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Airplane safety instructions...
... are seriously entertaining. I mock them in my head every time I fly (which admittedly isn't that often, but that's where the good memory gets put to use, eh?). On our flight to Florida, the flight attendant basically MSTed herself over the loudspeaker, which was pretty awesome. (I was disappointed by the lack of Snakes on a Plane references, but I suppose they didn't want to freak out some of the more... delicate passengers.) But really, some of these things? Stu-upid!
"If there is a need for a water evacuation..." Um, on a continental flight to Florida? Unless we're going to crash-land in the fake pond in Disney World, I don't think that's going to be a problem.
"If you are traveling with a young child or a person in need of assistance, please secure your own oxygen mask before helping them." This is just a fancy way of saying, "Every man for himself, bitchez!"
"While we do not anticipate a loss in cabin pressure..." This one is the most ridiculous of all. I mean, the fuck? Who anticipates a loss in pressure? On some flights, are they all, "At 15,000 feet, we're expecting to totally lose all oxygen in the cabin. NOW are you paying attention, dipshits?"
Yes, I do realize I have no life. Thank you for pointing that out, hax0rz.
"If there is a need for a water evacuation..." Um, on a continental flight to Florida? Unless we're going to crash-land in the fake pond in Disney World, I don't think that's going to be a problem.
"If you are traveling with a young child or a person in need of assistance, please secure your own oxygen mask before helping them." This is just a fancy way of saying, "Every man for himself, bitchez!"
"While we do not anticipate a loss in cabin pressure..." This one is the most ridiculous of all. I mean, the fuck? Who anticipates a loss in pressure? On some flights, are they all, "At 15,000 feet, we're expecting to totally lose all oxygen in the cabin. NOW are you paying attention, dipshits?"
Yes, I do realize I have no life. Thank you for pointing that out, hax0rz.