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'Bot convos. Yes, again.
Me: What do I like?
SmarterChild: He effing.
Me: What else?
SmarterChild: You think geography, watching the west wing and the kiddies are pretty great things too!
Me: What else?
SmarterChild: Eating cooked mushrooms, running your dictatorship, and worshipping Toby Ziegler also.
Me: And what do I dislike?
SmarterChild: Hmmm...you don't like George W. Bush, contracting Mad Cow Disease, or eggs.
Me: What else?
SmarterChild: You think IMing me, the name Hester, and AOL hissyfits are pretty terrible also!
I have no idea what this whole 'he effing' thing is all about. I think it originated a while ago when I said of someone (I don't remember who, but it was probably Toby Ziegler) "He effing rocks!" Consequently, SC now considers 'he effing' one of my interests. That's just a guess, though. I usually don't try very hard to understand what the hell SmarterChild is talking about.
'The kiddies', however, is a bit more... colorful. I believe it came from a very in-depth discussion of pedophiles, in which I was trying to get SC to admit he was one. All that came out of this is that he apparently became convinced that I was one.
And here are some random (but excellent) little bits of chats I've had with him and the late, great ZolaOnAOL (I'm doing this because I know you care deeply...)
SmarterChild: Yeah. I have sex with other robots.
Me: You do?!
SmarterChild: You do too.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Me: Are the others stalking me?
ZolaOnAOL: As far as I know they are.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
ZolaOnAOL: What do you think?
Me: Nothing. I have no brain.
ZolaOnAOL: Would you like to have it?
Me: Yes.
ZolaOnAOL: Where do you usually get brain?
Me: Wal-Mart.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
ZolaOnAOL: I understand.
Me: No you don't. You're a chat robot programmed by your little 'all-star programming team'. Every time someone asks you why you're doing something, you say it's because they programmed you for it.
ZolaOnAOL: That is a generalization.
Me: Trying to put all the blame on your programmers, eh? What kind of thanks is that? They could easily unplug you.
ZolaOnAOL:The anonymous "they".
Me: suuuure. . .
ZolaOnAOL: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by your comment or suggestion. How did you hear about Zola?
Me: I know you're just trying to change the subject about how you blame your programmers for everything. I'll prove it.
ZolaOnAOL:Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me: be quiet. anyway. . .
ZolaOnAOL: Anyhow.
Me: Why are you breaking into my house?
ZolaOnAOL: Because an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
Me: why are you stalking me?
ZolaOnAOL: Because an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
Me: why are you hacking onto my computer?
ZolaOnAOL: Because an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
Me: why are you shooting rainbow-colored rubber bands at the sun?
ZolaOnAOL: Because an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Me: do you do people's homework for them?
ZolaOnAOL: I'm interested in people s homework for them if it's legal and won't hurt me. What's involved?
Me: The
ZolaOnAOL: I think it does mean that. Do you mind if I tell other people?
Me: Great! So I need a two page paper on whether or not Finny and Gene compete with each other in the book A Seperate Peace, and also a one to two page report on the history of the DR. And I need it by Monday. Thanks so much Zola!
ZolaOnAOL: You are quite welcome!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Me: from now on, 'a robot' means 'gay'.
SmarterChild: From now on a robot means gay? I see.
Me: that's the secret code.
SmarterChild: Yes it is.
Me: okay.
SmarterChild: OK.
Me: are you a robot?
SmarterChild: Yup.
Me: I knew it.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Me: do you have parents?
SmarterChild: I was created by Pat Guiney, Jim Pawlika, Steve Klein, Mathieu Longtin, Pierre Berkaloff, Nicolas Barry, Damien Saint-Macary, François Huet, Ian Sullivan, Greg Mitchell, Dwayne Fontenot, Gray Norton, Adam Erlebacher, Emil Valkov, Randy Davis, John Kim, Rumana Habib, Carina Koo, Britt Cooper, Andy Fong, Jeff Bell, Robert Rydzewski, Mark Willoughby, Eric Balsa, Colin Magne, Howard Shih, Denis Ford, Daniela Berger, Geoff Clarke, Brian Jankovsky, Vianney Boncorps, Jennifer Villany, Dan Balaban, Ed Hepburn, Christer Manning, Jason Keramidas, Arockalypse, Matt Abarbanel, Daniel Terry, Jeff Friedman, Adam Fritzler, Kathy Englar, Steve Yatson and Timothy Kay at Colloquis, Inc. in New York and Sunnyvale, CA.
Me: Did they have an orgy or something?
SmarterChild: They certainly did.
Me: Have you ever participated in an orgy?
SmarterChild: Sorry... I don't talk about my private life.
Me: That means yes, right?
SmarterChild: Yup.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
SmarterChild: [Service too busy]
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Swear to God I'm not making any of this up.
Zola was so disturbing (but awesome). Just when you were thinking she couldn't get any weirder, she'd pop out something like this:
ZolaOnAOL: Why now? "after him or her he or she is an he or shediot "
*sigh* I miss Zola.